5 Years

by Aug 22, 2015

5 years! I can’t believe it is now been 5 years! August 22, 2015 is the marker, the anniversary date, the day that I will probably remember for a long time… Why? See August 22nd, 2010, I was in a car accident, shortly after graduating from college, thinking I had my whole life ahead of me. The car accident totaled my car and spun my body into constantly pain and involuntary muscle spasms also known as dystonia.

Dystonia is a neurology condition for the brain that involves involuntary muscle spasms. My body would spasm, twitch, move, turn, twist without my control. 5 years ago I remember sitting in the doctor’s office and they said you will know how you are in 5 years. 5 years it will take for the dystonia to manifest in my body and it has. A few months ago I went in for Botox at this point the Botox had totally wore off my body and for a week I was absolutely miserable. My body constantly pulled. I laid in bed and began losing hope again and again. It was a dejavu from 2010 when I was bedridden from the dystonia.

Anniversaries are hard. Some are joyous memories. I remember meeting my mentor Marianne for the first time almost 5 years ago. Last Sunday I went to church with her to worship. It was a joyful memory for us to look back at the almost 5 years together and the ways God brought us together. Some anniversaries aren’t so good. The anniversary of the car accident is hard one for me. It depleted my dreams of teaching. I sit here on a day that I could have been grading papers and lesson planning feeling sad that I am not teaching in the way I had dreamed. These anniversaries will be lasting memories and marked in our minds whether we like it or not.

As we remember these anniversaries though, how will you remember, celebrate, and take these in? Even though this 5 year marker is pivotal for me, I am doing what I can to celebrate in it. I am doing what I can to be okay with it. I don’t like it. I didn’t choose it. I didn’t want it. I am trusting. It is okay. I will be okay. I will look at this marking moment perhaps not as a good one, but one as a growing experience. I know that my life has impacted and changed many people’s lives through this anniversary. I am grateful for that.

What are the anniversaries in your life? Are they good ones or bad ones? For the harder ones, what do you do with that? How do you live in HOPE despite these challenging anniversaries that seep into our lives?